Sometimes, you are coming from a place of pain in your life. Pain that has been persistent for a while. And you don't know what to do about it. You are always sad. You have thought about taking your life many times, but the thought of how your family would feel terrifies you.
When you sit down, all you can think about is to find someone who truly cares about you, but then, you don't even know how you got here, because you used to be a happy person. Pumped by life's goodness, motivated by waking up daily, and motivated other people after you wake up daily.
But now, live seems like a curse. You sure feel it is now needful to simply pass away, because, of what use is it? Being bitter, angry and in search of happiness every single minute. With your closest people being adamant about your thoughts of giving up on life.
Happiness is not laughter. Happiness is not excitement. Happiness is a special thing, a security that should be sort after more than love. You find it in the strangest places, places you never knew it would be. Some in their lovers eyes, some in their children's eyes.
You must have thought you would find it in your lovers eyes, but it feels like your world has come crashing. You feel like someone who is perishing. You feel like a tomato gradually and deeply juicing out all the life in it. But when you look at your self, you see red, well ripened, full of life and deserving of love and happiness, but it is far away. You are plummy but you don't feel plummy. You feel rejected and dejected. You feel like the worst person on earth, may be because people have made you feel that way, and you would never accept it, because you know you are not the worst person. So you fight. You fight and fight. You box at anyone who try as much to bring a drop of bitterness close to you. You just hate them. They are your poison.
But after fighting, you don't feel good. You feel terrible and the most unhappy. You just didn't want to be bitter because your life is already bitter to you. There are so many things going on within you. You feel taken advantage of. You wish you could start life afresh, unfortunately, this is impossible in the literal sense of it. And reading this, you may become very angry that you cannot start afresh.
I don't have a solution immediately, but I can be that friend to beg you in a moment like this, to please hold on, your saviour may just be not so far away. Your happiness may just be not so far away. This depression, you don't want to accept it. You just want to end at naming it bitterness, but it is beyond it. Many things have stolen your life away from you and you don't even have the strength to take it back. Your wish someone can help, but they are your destroyer. Don't be ashamed of your life.
I will just end with a question; before even all these shit started, where were you at? It may not have been a place of so much happiness, but was it this bitter? If it wasn't, would you rather have come his far and be so bitter than be in the slum if it meant so, and be a little happier and motivated by the morning each day?
Would you? ,